Nookie Cookies

These specimens are actual nookie Cookies and crackers, including the ones that this webpage originally premiered with.

Holiday Hanky Panky

Our Nation's Snack Manufacturers must have launched a huge attack around the holidays, because like the Eggy Fanny, this frosted atrocity was found at Thanksgiving while trying to enjoy a family feast. These, however, are holiday themed, joining together the family appeal of Christmas with the sick, twisted deviance of the NSM's perverted minds. Note the position they are in. These appear to be cookies which have cheerfully sampled a bit too much eggnog and rumcake.

The Economy-size Investigation

Rah and Lah, noticing a lack of recent animal cracker additions, decided to actively pursue some by sorting through an incredibly large bag which they purchased at a warehouse store. One cookie at a time. Out of one thousand and five hundred cookies, these specimens were some of the best:

Udderly Offensive

The cow on the right only serves as an example of what a normal, wholesome cow animal cracker looks like; the bountiful bovine on the left is a corruption of that innocence. All of the cows in the bag had udders, but on the udder of the cow to the left, there is a protrusion that makes it resemble a human breast. This almost seems like cruelty, putting "Hooters" on innocent Heifers.

A Plethora of Penoceri

Compared to the volume of cookies in the bag, it contained a relatively small amount of Nookie Cookies. Apparently, to make up for a lack of variety, the Snack Manufacturers compensated with quantity - a total of thirteen "penoceri," identical to the well-endowned Rhinoceroses below.

A Deluge of Derrieres

The Deluge of Derrieres was found in the very same bag of animal cookies that spawned the Plethora of Penoceri and the Udderly Offensive cookie. This also happens to be the same brand of animal cracker that gave birth to the Copulating Cookies and the Well Endowed Rhinoceri. We here at N.C. found it odd that while we found a, well, deluge of derrieres, there were no matching halves. All butts and no heads, in other words. This leaves us disturbed. Is this a way for the snack manufacturers to get us to think like them? Let's hope not, for our sakes. Let's hope not.

Case #6: The Edible Orgy

This set of cookies, from the same bag as the ones below, are engaging in similar deviant acts, but this time with a third animal in on the fun. This, like the phortune phallus, signifies a deeper, more graphic perversion developing in the snack manufacturers' creations. The fact that these cookies seem to be of Mexican origin is disturbing as well, since that might signify that snack manufacturers south of the border have joined the dark side as well. Perhaps Nookie Cookies will end up uncovering the deviant nature of our WORLD'S snack manufacturers. The odds are seeming to get more and more insurmountable, but we here at Nookie Cookies will keep trying our darnedest to save the country and possibly the entire universe from total perversion.

Case #5: The Ferocious Foreplay

These unidentifiable animal atrocities were found in a bag of generic animal crackers which some members of the Nookie Cookies staff obtained at a grocery during their vacation. The brand was previously unheard of by the staff members, but seemed to be of Mexican origin. The animals involved are either very confused or very disturbed, as they seem to be engaging in intercourse in all the wrong places.

Case #4: The Phortune Phallus

This atrocity came about when two of our Nookie Cookies staff members were making some wholesome fortune cookies, which they fully intended to eat and not post; at the moment, their work was the farthest thing from their minds. But, as they poured the batter for their first cookie, this was what was produced. After some investigation, the staff members discovered that the fairly new stove, no more than a few months old, was slanted in one direction. As a result, only foods involving batter, like the fortune cookies, were turned into graphic sexual images. This is obviously an intentional effect, thought up by the manufacturers of said stove. The slope of the curve seems innocuous enough; even unnoticeable, until an attempt is made to cook anything circular from batter, such as crepes, pancakes, or our prospective fortune cookie above. This is dire news indeed for our cause - not only have food appliances started to infest our minds with filth, they have taken their perverted plot a step up, making more frequent and more graphic Nookie Cookies.

Case #3: The Spawning Goldfish

These pairs of fish were found in two different bags of snack crackers. Their positions make it obvious that these fish are engaging in little lewd fishy sexual acts.

Case #2: The Anatomically Correct Rhinoceroses

These rhinoceri were found in two individual bags of "animal cracker" cookies. As is immediately evident from the pictures, these blatantly male cookies have been given disproportionately large genitalia.

Case #1: The Copulating Cookies

This undoctored, unedited picture needs no explanation. It is obvious that this sheep and obviously aroused rhinoceros are engaging in sexual intercourse. This cookie is the poster boy for the Nookie Cookies' purpose. The positioning of the two animals is too precise to be coincidental; there can be no doubt that some member of the corporation, whether a lowly factory worker or CEO, intended for these two cookies to be coupled in this manner.
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