Mass Produced
Monstrosities
These
non-cookie specimens were found among otherwise innocent-seeming candies and
snacks that are manufactured by large snack food corporations.
The Doughy Duo
This pretentious pair was found at,
of all places, a wedding. Three large pans full of bread were provided by the
caterers, and these raunchy rolls were among them. The caterers were a service
from a small chain of restaurants, but it appears that the Snack Food
Manufacturers used their copious amounts of cash to bribe the small-time
businesspersons into doing their dirty work.
The Peppermint Abomination
These minty malcontents, though only
semispherical, obviously represent a pair of testicles. It seems that the Snack
Manufacturers have an obsession with male genitalia; one can only wonder why.
The Orange Oddity
The Orange Oddity was found in a bag of
Rah's beloved marshmallow circus peanuts (which are best when eaten stale, in
Rah's opinion). Just as she raised the sugary morsel to her mouth, she noticed
the disgusting phallic shape. Her appetite was then supressed, to say the least.
The Salty Balls
Rah's stepmother was enjoying a bag
of pretzel balls when she came across this disgusting delicacy and felt that it
was in our country's best interests to donate it to our website. Their perfect
sphericality, combined with the manner in which they are attached, could mean
they represent one of many body parts associated with sexuality, just like the
edible obscenity below. We believe, however, that the pretzels are testicles,
because we think the snack manufacturer responsible for this specimen intended
them to be so, mainly due to the double entendre of "salty balls."
The Milk Chocolate Mammaries
Within a few weeks' time, The
Nookie Cookies office was hit with a barrage of corrupted candies, all made by
the same company that made the Edible Obscenity, and all but one from the same
brand of candy. The Delectable Derriere (see below) was among them, but out of
the five we obtained, four were made to resemble breasts. As was mentioned on
the main page, (see case #4 - The Phortune Phallus,) the sheer number of these
anomalies we are receiving shows that the sinful sweet manufacturers have
stepped up their campaign; perhaps spurred to do so by the Nookie Cookies
staff's discovery of their plan. Their new efforts may become their downfall,
however; the more they try to misshape our minds, the more evidence the Nookie
Cookies movement will have against them. --Special thanks to Windjammer for
supplying the photo to the far left.
The Delectable Derriere
This was one
of the candies included in the onslaught that flowed into the Nookie Cookies
Headquarters. It is obviously meant to resemble a human derriere, even mimicking
the muscle tone of one. Though certainly not one of our most offensive Nookie
Cookies, it is a Nookie Cookie case nonetheless, as it is too perfect of a
replica to be unintentional.
Red-Hot Raunchiness
This candy was
found among some gingerbread house decorations soon after the new year. As you
can see, it's almost a little too hot for our standards. It really needs no
description, so we'll leave it up to your imaginations to decide what it
represents.
The Bubble Gum Boob
The manufacturers of this gumball clearly
took advantage of its globular shape to make it resemble a breast - the
deformity of this ball is too perfect; there is no doubt of its likeness to a
nipple, and no doubt as to the intent of the people who produce these
gumballs.
The Edible Obscenity
This offensive object is a product
of a popular candy company which shall, of course, remain nameless. An unbiased
online poll concluded that this candy very closely resembles a part of the male
genitalia. Thus, the food manufacturers are producing foods resembling not only
the act of fornication, but the body parts involved.
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